Overheard in Texas

On my weekend trip home to Texas, I learned (or maybe re-learned) a few things I thought I should share.

Lessons on Gender Identification:

"In a gender defined world, it's important to show that you're a girl. So that they know you can keep your pants on."-My wise youngest sister

On this note, she helped me realize that if, in fact, you are a girl, you must have your toenails painted and have earrings on at all times, lest someone mistake you for one of your male counterparts. I made the mistake of wearing strappy sandals in Texas with, gulp, unpainted toenails. It should be noted that I also had a floral headband and sundress. I will still subject to this:
"If someone were to guess your gender, they'd guess man." -aforementioned sister

The next day, in response to my grave error of bare toes, my sisters pulled together to take me for a pedicure. As I mocked them for a). being a regular at a nail salon, b). being so regular that they had a specific person they had to have do their nails, and c). their larger problem (although they would call it a skill rather than a problem) with material consumption, the woman doing my big sister's jeweled pedicure pointed out: "Usually, you all have more shopping bags when you come in here." Geez family - y'all freaking rock. Even the nail tech knows you have mall issues.

Lessons from Church:
"The Easter Bunny did not rise from the dead." -billboard outside a large Church, presumably on the secularization of the Easter season.

How to deliver an appropriately confusing complimensult:
Lady at church choir: "Your hair looks nice curly... I wasn't sure about what you'd done."
Me: "Err... thanks? Um, so you don't like my hair straight?"
LACC: "You know how much money people pay for curls like ours?"

"That Eucharistic prayer was shocking... full of surprises!" - quote from my sister and fellow singer, on the challenges of keeping up with the music and chant of a tri=lingual mass in which the Priest skipped around without pattern between English, Spanish, and Latin.

Lessons on Relationships:

People get fat when they get married. Sometimes not both spouses, but at least one. This is even more likely to occur when two good looking people get married because they are good looking. According to one wise sage: "Wedding cake has delayed release calories. They take several years to really kick in."

Lessons on Fashion (more!)
The airport is a great place to find great new styles, like the ever-coveted jeans suit, or the floral capri pant.

I became so overwhelmed at the airport that I began a 'stache count. I got to 17 before becoming pre-occupied with the age-old dilemma of donuts or cookies for breakfast. Among my favorite 'stache sporters (and please note that I'm not just talking about any facial hair that includes a mustache - I'm talking card-carrying, no-excuses, clean-shaven-except-the-molestache badasses)?

-One guy wearing high waist jeans, a fanny pack, and a blue tooth earpiece tucked neatly beneath his greasy, 70s porn style curls that perfectly complimented the targeted 'stache.

-Middle aged man with a prominent potbelly, basketball jersey, jeans shorts, dress socks, and dress shoes. Oh, and a big flavor-saver creepstache. Yes, please!

-Long ponytail (Joe Dirt style) with a whispy blonde 'stache.

-Aggie polo tucked into high waist pleated khakis with no belt. Perfect for the bigot-stache he perfected, less perfect for the inevitable scrambled egg stuck between the stache hairs.

That's all for today. I look forward to joining the more normal Washingtonians on my usual bus route.