My job looks like the 92.

So this wasn't an overheard on the 92 moment, but I really needed to tell someone!

At yesterday's staff party, I arrived late enough that the only seats left were on the degenerate end of the really long table at lunch. Already filled with anger and disdain for most of my co-workers given the events of the past few weeks, I tried to paste on a smile and make small talk, but it's hard to get along with people quite that weird.

Across from me, my friend M is texting on her droid, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. Beside her, directly, this skinny guy refuses to talk. Seriously - he doesn't say hi, he doesn't respond... he just silently tucks his napkin into the collar of his shirt like a bib, orders TWO entrees at the Mexican restaurant, and devours them wordlessly, except his pointing out of the obvious: "I have a large appetite."

Next to her, another one sporting false eyelashes at lunchtime grimaces as she pokes and prods the shrimp on her plate, as if they were some unknown thing. She mutters, "Ugh - this ain't what I ordered." She looks around to get the attention of the waiter to scold him f'or not reading her mind about the dish she actually wanted. She pouts while she pushes rice around on the plate and thinks about the shrimp. I don't think she ever ate any.

Next to shrimp girl, sits the ever famous, emphysema-bound sixty year old grandmother of like 34 with three teeth in her head. She is most famous for ranting statements in meetings like: "Once we has given the client the services then they has the information," and "I use the computer for two things: email." Between hacking coughing fits, she also yells at the waiter about how much she doesn't like beans. I wanted to tell her that they pretty much come with any Mexican dish, anywhere and she could just leave them aside, but I didn't want to get into it. Eventually, she gets a doggie bag to take her food, along with the food of the two people beside her, home for her grandkids.

I sat there, wondering exactly which bad decision in my life landed me in this fine establishment at the age of 25. My co-workers are so freaking weird.

Not worth a title

"Ray, whats you doin, boy? Git back over here, or imma take your phone..." Said to a ~7 year old boy by his mother. Meanwhile, his younger sister is making beatbox noises and dancing provocatively. Really cool.

Spotted by the 92

Spotted near the 92? A confused looking 300 + lb woman. She is most likely on drugs given her dazed, disheveled presentation. Her eyes are almost all the way closed. She is not walking in a straight line. In fact, her zig-zag walk pattern is impressively complex. She appears to be in her mid-fifties, although it's sometimes hard to tell with her... lifestyle. She is wearing an over-sized aqua blue T-shirt. The t shirt reads: "Single and Looking." Yes. Gentleman, hold on to your pants. This one's comin' after you.

It's good to be back.

"Oh, I could tell you was a cowboys fan when you walked on the bus, baby." -dude on the 32 to me, after I finally caved and took a side in a bus-wide screaming match (including the bus driver) about whether the Redskins would beat the Cowboys this year.

"Think he real tough beatin' up on women. He like killing people? Let's see him try and kill one of us."- same dude moments later, describing how the UVA lacrosse guy would be treated in jail. I like this guy. Fortunately, as he was exiting the bus, he asked if I was married. I said no (I never learn). He looked at me with a glimmer in his eye and said he was sure he'd be seeing me around. Damn.

Met you once in a Williams play...

Person 1: "This whole family is crazy."

Person 2: "I'm not crazy."

Person 3 (to person 2): "Mom... you're kidding, right?"

Unfortunately, this was not overheard on the 92... this was overheard at family dinner... my family dinner. Meanwhile, 5 dogs circled the table for scraps while intermittently barking ferociously at the the neighbors. Oh yes.

Blind and on the 92

Great 92 moment, submitted by loyal metro bus rider and champion skeeballer. Glad I have people to keep their ears and eyes open when I'm out of town:

Blind woman reading Braille magazine in front seats of bus

Two dudes sitting across from her

Guy 1: ( loudly) look at that - she's reading Braille and shit.

Guy 2: man, everyone can see that! (clearly embarrassed his friend has called attention to this fact)

Blind woman: I can't!

Overheard in Church

"Can I sit down here, mi'ja? I had knee surgery the other week and the pain is killing me... Hijo - I can feel the pain up to my privates."