You's lookin' thicker.

The following uncomfortable interaction took place outside my workplace. This Romeo? A homeless man who is a regular on my old bus route... so I've "known" him for months.

Romeo: "Good to see you! You lookin good like always."
Me: "Thanks."
R: "I can tell you been hittin up dem restaurants."
Me: ~gulp~ "Err... excuse me?"
R: "Ya know, now that you're doin all good at your job... I can tell. It looks good. You're fillin' out real good."
Me: ~blushes uncomfortably~ "Geez, those are things you should just never say to a woman, dude, for real."
R: "No, I mean it look real good. I'm sure you're husband tell you that all the time. I'm sure he lovin' that you have a nice fat face now."
Me: ~actually have my feelings hurt now~ "Geez, maybe that's why I still don't have one! Go easy on me, man... it's just a couple of pounds..."
R: "Na, I can tell. Looks so much better. When I first met you on the bus, you was like little. Like tiny. Now (sleezily checks me out)- you's lookin thicker."
Me: "Alright, well thanks for that self esteem check buddy. See you next week- and good luck on your date tonight."

I hope he knew better on his date that night. That really happened. The best part? My co-worker trying as hard as she could not to listen or notice. She was definitely even more uncomfortable than I was with the situation. Another favorite? My sister's getting married this month. I told her I was concerned about fitting into my dress after that conversation since I'd apparently put on some weight. My mother says to me, "Oh don't worry about that. The last time I saw you, I thought you needed to eat a steak. Order a normal size instead of a micro." That's what family's for, I suppose. This weekend, I did what any normal person would do, and ran until my knees gave out, starved for exactly eight hours, and then polished off half a pint of ice cream. It was awesome, and all brought about by sweet Romeo's ability to fixate on every detail of my body. Didn't bother me at all. Not a little. Never. Yea.